Angels are on my mind a lot these past months...
As a child I often wondered,
why we pray to angels and the different saints, or even to Mary
and not directly to God.
I wondered what the point of it is:
why not go to the highest authority with my prayers,
why go through the angels and saints instead?!
These past months (since Christmas),
and the amount of prayer that they were filled with,
made me understand an important difference.
A distinction that perhaps I knew all along,
but I never stopped to wonder and ponder in depth about it thus far...
I realized that I actually never pray TO angels, saints or even Mary
and that I only ever pray TO God.
I realized, that when I direct my prayers towards angels, saints or Mary
I actually don't pray TO them but istead ask them to pray FOR and WITH me to God.
It's almost like pulling a rope:
allone it's too hard, but when Mary, the saints and the angels pitch in...
... we might just be able to pull it through...
I pray to Mary like I would revolve myself to my mum:
asking her to take me under her protective arms
and to ask dad to grant me that wish that I almost don't dare to ask him myself.
I pray to the different saints to keep echoing my prayers to God,
to be like loudspeakers that multiply my prayer,
that carries it to God faster than the speed of light...
I pray to saints but also everyone dear to me
who I firmly believe is in heaven and rejoices with God already.
I feel this strong connection to my grandparents in the past months:
in the moments of desperation and the feeling of senselessness,
I would cry out to them,
asking them to pray and beg God,
not only on my behalf, but on our behalf:
just like when we were little,
when we used to pray together on the big bed with that flower painting above it every night,
sitting in their laps and holding their old precious hands,
feeling so secure and protected and loved...
But what about angels?
It really does make me wonder...
They can't just be the same as saints...
Surely there is a difference! But what is the diference?
In the cathedral of our Lady of Angels in Los Angeles,
(where the picture above has been made)
there are a 'million' angel-candelholders and each and every one of them is different.
It's fascinating!
Everytime I go there I stop and look
at the different expressions and different 'personalities'
of each of these angels.
They really fascinate me
and they seem new and different every single time I see them...
These different 'personalities' of each and every angel
made me wonder and ponder a lot...
... and I started speculating...
(maybe instead I should have read up on this topic
in some church documents or the writings of the teachers of the church...
... but after all: I do love speculating and so I just continued speculating instead...)
So I started speculating:
Just as every single angel is different in the cathedral,
I realized, that the same way every single act of love is unique.
And knowing how powerful love really is,
it wouldn't surprise me if a true act of love found a way to materialize
and actually become a eternal timeless being...
Maybe every little act of love generates a new angel?!
Maybe angels indeed are: love materialized!?
Then, whe I pray:
"Angels, be with her in this difficult period,
protect her, guide her, make her feel loved,
take all my love to her..."
Then...
to catch up with this prayer I truly need to love in every moment of my everyday life,
even though I am far away and can't help her in person...
Then...
whatever I do here,
all the way on the other end of the world,
truly out of love and love alone,
this act then really becomes prayer.
A prayer materialized and palpable,
all the way on the other end of the world too.
Then...
it truly isn't useless for me to love and act and offer and sacrfice
even the little things in my everyday life...
Then...
even washing dishes our of love
- becomes a prayer, becomes an angel;
even smiling at my students and being truly present with them in class
- becomes a prayer, becomes an angel;
even the tinyest act of love
- becomes a prayer, becomes an angel.
So:
even though it might easily feel like all these little things are useless;
even though it might seem the hardest thing,
to continue your 'silly little everyday life' when faced with this much pain;
even though you might feel so weak from sadness and suffering
that you would much rather just stay in bed and cry;
even though you might feel like every little thing you spend any amount of time on
just steals away the time of prayer that could actually help her;
even though you are here and she is all the way there, on the other end of the world;
and all this might seem that it can't reach her, that it can't benefit her, strengthen her, help her...
Instead: It does! It truly does!
Maybe even more concretely
and in a more real way
than if I was actually physically present...
Now I feel like everytime I make an act of love or say a prayer...
it personifies as an angel that I can send to her.
As a pillow of love under her head when she rests;
as a warm loving embrace that gives her hope;
as a good thought that pops up in her mind and makes her smile;
as a reassuring touch that gives her strength to continue her jurney;
as a million little kisses that in the end will heal her completely...
So I pray for her to God,
I ask Mary, the sainst and all my loved ones in heaven to aplify my prayers,
and through my everyday acts of love, I want to send her all the angels:
that they pamper her and cuddle her and carry her through this difficult period.
