They shake your world when you hear them happening to random people you don't know - you feel compassion, sympathy... But somewhere deep inside you think that all that badness and ugliness is far outside of you and irrationally you think, that those things can't happen to you or your loved ones... So even though you are shaken, and you keep those suffering people in your prayers, you just go about your normal day and continue your everyday life...
There are certain news that shake your whole world.
When you hear these news happening to people you know, these news shake you profoundly. It's not just something that happens far far away, but now it's something that happened next to you: it touches you. The sadness you feel is deeper, the compassion and sympathy invade your heart and the pain these people experiment touches you profoundly. You can't just hear those news and then continue whatever you were doing beforehand as if nothing happened. Your everyday life gets somewhat infused with the pain of these people and you find yourself offering prayers, thoughts, short cry-outs to God with their intentions. You carry them in your heart and try to live for them and with them the pain they are going through...
There are certain news that shake your whole world.
If they happen to those closest to you: your brother, your best friend, your sister...
These news truly shake your entire world - actually they brake your heart...
They make you feel as if a giant monster took you by your collar and shook you in all possible directions. Afterwards, when he puts you back down from where he picked you up, you are so confused and disoriented, rattled and shaken... Scared of what might come.... Freaked out of why this happened and where this giant came from so suddenly anyway...
Like after a huge wave washing over you and turning you round and around in the water for so long, that not only you don't know what's up and what's down, what's left and what's right... but you are also out of breath: so much so that you are just about to give up holding it and irrationally going to open your mouth and breathe in just to realize you are still under water and now swallowing this salty, sandy and fishy liquid...
It's like a strong slap that knocks your breath away: tears are swelling into your eyes, and your entire body wants to scream. Your breath is gone, your voice is gone... You can't see from all the tears; you can't move because your entire body is trembling with pain and disbelief...
Secretly you are praying and hoping that all this is just a dream. That there will be a moment - hopefully very soon - when you wake up in you cozy bed, covered with your fluffy blanket... You wake up in shock but then you realize: Oh thank goodness, this all was just a dream.
But it's not...
It's the exact opposite: Often you wake up at night, forgetting for a split moment about all the bad news. And then (it really only takes seconds) you remember: you remember the news, the pain... and you burst out crying again...
Again: no breath, no voice... only tears and trembling...
When there is someone suffering that is so close to you - it becomes your suffering!
This affects you so deeply it almost paralyzes you - it is impossible to just go about your life after news like this...
How could you?
How can I go wash dishes or cook dinner when this is happening?
How can I really be present when spending time with my spouse
or friends or teaching my students... ??
How can the world still carelessly turn when MY world stopped turning completely?!
How can everyone around me go about their day as if nothing had happened
when MY heart is clenched with paralyzing pain?
How can I truly be in the moment and live well: here and now,
when every particle of my entire being is shattered?!
...
How can I truly believe in God-Love
and that all this is part of an amazingly beautiful plan of perfection
that He has with each and every one of us?
...
And yet:
I really truly do!
...
Realizing, that this amazingly beautiful plan of perfection will only work if I do my part as well.
Realizing that my part is to love!!
TO LOVE and nothing else!
TO LOVE through washing dishes and cooking dinner!
TO LOVE through really being present
when spending time with friends or teaching my students...
This is the only way how suddenly
every activity I do, every moment I spend, every breath I take...
become prayer.
...
TO LOVE...
...and nothing else!
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