When I Wonder & Ponder... about Kicks.

These past days, maybe weeks, 

I was really hoping and waiting to be kicked...

Yes, you read it right:

I was hoping and waiting ... to be kicked!

It made me wonder and ponder as well...

Normally you'd do anything to get out of the way of a kick, 

and prevent any situation where you could end up being kicked...

Actually, when I think of it... 

I think I am pretty lucky

as I have NEVER been in the situation 

that someone would have kicked me on purpose...

... it would always be a mistake, a slip, a stumbling... 

that would end up in a kick...

Even as a child:

I remember bites and whacks and slaps from my siblings 

in the worst case scenarios 

(that I can count on one hand even though I have three siblings)

but not kicks on purpose... 

So why am I longing for kicks right now?

I am expecting a baby!

And I am at that stage where you can start feeling the movement of the baby

... in the form of tiny little kicks 

- the sweetest darling kicks in the world

that fill your heart with the most unique joy you could ever imagine. 

This tiny little being, 

growing in my tummy, 

completely dependent on me,

being completely nurtured by me, 

not only in the physical way but also in the spiritual way...

nurtured by my endless love...

...for month and month now

this love of mine is endless and gratuitous 

and apparently utterly unilateral...

I wrote APPARENTLY on purpose!

Since the day I found out, that I am expecting a baby, 

my heart was filled with joy. 

Of course it was the baby filling my heart with joy!

And the endless gratefulness for this gift of life, 

this wonder that I (we!) can be part of. 

On the other hand - apparently - this wonder is almost a secret.

First of all: it takes months to even realize, and truly believe, 

that it is really happening 

and that my husband and I are really part of this amazing adventure. 

(It's the most beautiful thing to be 'conspirators' of creation 

and to carry this secret in our hearts!!)

...

It takes months for it to even show to the outside world, 

and it takes months and months till there is a first kind of reaction from the baby itself;

a reaction that assures you, 

that all those songs you've been singing to your tummy, 

that all the cute things and cuddles your husband has whispered into your bellybutton, 

that all the caresses, kisses and loving thoughts that both of you've been sending to your tummy...

that all this love is finally reciprocated!

How?

Through a simple, tiny tiny little kick. 

They say you never forget the first time you feel your baby kick...

Well...

I have to admit that it took me some time to actually realize and distinguish

that this time it truly is my/our darling baby 'communicating' with me/us and reacting to my/our love. 

I might not be able to pinpoint a date and time of the first kick, 

but I will never forget the joy that filled my heart 

every single time that I even only suspected it being the first kick! 

Oh how sweet an expression of love this tiny little kick is! 

Who knew, 

I could be so excited every single time I felt this tiny little whisper of a kick!

Who knew, I would longingly be hoping and waiting to be kicked:

kicked by the love of my child!